Don’t Let a Horrible Boss Destroy You (Like I Almost Did)

Don’t Let a Horrible Boss Destroy You (Like I Almost Did) - My Life, I Guess
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Last Updated on August 17, 2020


Horrible bosses. At some point in our lives, we will all have at least one.

In my seemingly never-ending struggle to find a good, permanent, full time role, horrible bosses have been a big factor.

After having a boss that was physically abusive towards 2 of my colleagues, and extremely verbally and emotionally abusive to us all, I thought that there was no possible way I could ever have a boss more horrible than that.

But last year, I was proven wrong.


I Had A Great Boss, Until…

Not long ago, I had a great boss. But I didn’t really like my job.

It was an incredibly fascinating industry, but there was a lot of pressure, and not a lot of training. Because it was within the justice system, the smallest mistakes could have severe, legal consequences.

After being unemployed and underemployed for years, however, I was just happy to be working full time again.

With my boss’s full support, I tried to find my place within the organization. I started off in one department, moved to another, and back-filled for a third. I applied (and interviewed) for two other positions at a secondary location. My boss even sent me to a career conference, hoping it would help me out.

There were things I liked and disliked about each position, but I couldn’t see myself working in any of them for the rest of my career.

Then I experienced a serious “false alarm” on the job. Which, at the time, I didn’t know was only a false alarm. Had it been real, it could have been fatal.

I didn’t sleep at all that night, and I didn’t go to work the next day. I didn’t want to go back to work at all!

But I didn’t want to go back to being unemployed again, either.

So I started to very aggressively apply elsewhere. And was prescribed anxiety medication for the first time in my life.


I Ignored the Red Flags

Within a couple of weeks, I was offered and accepted a new job. I was thrilled! I had never been able to find a job this quickly!

The role was half administrative and half financial, which was the direction I was hoping to take. I really wanted to learn more than the basic financial things that I had done in the past, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity.

Everything was falling into place so quickly, I completely ignored all the red flags that were there right from the start.

Like how I felt during and after the interview.

Or how my new manager, Mrs. Horrible Boss, gave me a hard time for wanting to give 2 weeks notice, insisting that I quit and immediately start with her the next day.

Instead, I did whatever I could to convince myself that accepting this new job was the right thing to do.

The anxiety from the “false alarm” was overwhelming. I couldn’t keep going back into that same office and being put in that same risky situation day after day. Constantly worrying that this time it might not be “just a false alarm”. That this time I’d be leaving the office in an ambulance – or worse.  

I was vulnerable, and desperate to get out, so I did.

The Honeymoon Phase Was Quickly Replaced By the Reality

My first few weeks at my new job went really well!

But it didn’t take long for Mrs. Horrible Boss to show her true colors.

The position had been vacant for more than 6 months, and she was not happy that it was taking me so long to get caught up. So she started to implement arbitrary and impossible to meet deadlines. And couldn’t care less when I tried to tell her that they were impossible.  

The more I learned about the role, the more issues I uncovered, as well.

Hundreds of receipts without names or invoice numbers. Envelopes of cash, unmarked and left sitting in an unlocked drawer for months. Hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of outstanding invoices still owed to the department, going at least a few years back.

All things that Mrs. Horrible Boss knew nothing about, and somehow didn’t care about, either.

She just wanted me to fix years worth of mistakes within a matter of weeks. As a brand new employee, who was still being trained and was still learning the role. While also trying to catch up and keep up with the whole administrative half of the job.  


I Started to Think There Was Something Wrong With Me

Why wasn’t I getting it?

Why was I struggling so hard to do even a mediocre job?

Why was I always in trouble, no matter what I did?

So I started working through my breaks and lunches. I even offered to work overtime on the weekend, so that I could just maybe make some progress.

Not that any of that mattered.

My second monthly performance review went horribly. I was now being told (for the first time) about all these other things I was being accused of doing wrong. None of which were true. But any attempt to speak up or defend myself in that meeting was shot down.

I was told that due to my inability to meet deadlines (which I told her many times were impossible to meet), I was being kept on probation for an additional 2 months.

I was not happy. And I wasn’t going to sit back and take it, either.


I Tried Standing Up For Myself, But…

Standing up for myself is something that I’m terrible at. I try to avoid confrontation at all costs, even when that cost is my sanity and self-worth.

But Mrs. Horrible Boss was completely out of line. Lying. Blaming me for things that happened years before I was hired. Not offering me any kind of support, guidance, or solution. Trying to reprimand me for things that were direct violations of the labor laws.

So I contacted my union rep, who told me that this was not the first time Mrs. Horrible Boss had pulled this bullshit. She had even somehow bullied her way into firing someone that didn’t even work for the organization!

Then I did my homework. I had a spreadsheet full of exact dates, times and details of relevant conversations. Copies of emails, the Employment Standards Act and my union collective agreement, all highlighted and ready to go.

I was ready to stand up for myself. At least I was on paper.

In reality, however, I was not.

I wanted to get mad. I wanted to be angry and defend myself over her blatant lies and the ridiculous allegations being made against me.

But I didn’t.

The truth is, I was barely hanging on.


Outside of Work, Life was Also Going Terribly

At the time, my husband was on a medical leave, getting the runaround with his claim, and therefore had no income. I couldn’t just quit, because then we’d have no income at all.

Then there was a sudden death in his family.

And if that wasn’t stressful enough, my nearly 21-year old cat’s health took a major turn for the worse. My poor little old man was obviously suffering, and nothing we were doing was helping him. We made the most excruciating and agonizing decision to have him put down.

I was completely broken.

Days before my original probation period ended, there was a big meeting that included the union and HR.


… I Was Fired.

For the first time in my life, I was fired.

Mrs. Horrible Boss didn’t have a valid reason to fire me – but she didn’t need one. Because I was still on probation, there wasn’t a damn thing that I, the union, or anyone else could have done. Once again, she bullied her way into getting what she wanted.

I was crushed.

Devastated.

Humiliated.

I was an unemployed failure, yet again.

I wanted to just give up.

 

[click_to_tweet tweet=”“Take care of you; because if you died today, your job will be posted online before your obituary.”” quote=”“Take care of you; because if you died today, your job will be posted online before your obituary.”” theme=”style3″]

 

It’s Gotta Get Bad Before It Gets Good

I know it’s hard to believe, but somehow, some way, being fired actually turned out to be a good thing.

First, the good people at the Employment Insurance office fully agreed that I was fired without just cause. Therefore, they approved my claim. Although I wasn’t thrilled to be collecting E.I. benefits again, I was grateful to have some income and some time to find another job.

More importantly, it gave me some time to grieve, to process everything that had happened in the last few months, and to recover emotionally and mentally from hitting rock bottom.  

Then, being unemployed actually helped me get an awesome new job!

I wrote a whole post about it, but the just of it is this: In Canada, you can work and collect employment insurance benefits at the same time.

This opened up a lot of new opportunities for me that I probably wouldn’t have considered, otherwise. Including a casual contract for a job that I’d be perfect for. So I applied for it, had a great interview, and was offered the job!

Less than 2 weeks after starting as a casual employee, they offered me a temporary full-time contract! Which became permanent full-time a year later.

If I had not been fired and able to take advantage of this program, I couldn’t have afforded to work only casual hours, and wouldn’t have even bothered applying. I would have missed out on this truly amazing opportunity.  

Finding a job that I love has been life-changing!

I now come home from work every day happy, instead of miserable. I’m excited for Mondays, instead of being terrified of them. I sleep well at night, instead of being perpetually exhausted. I feel useful and appreciated, instead of incapable and worthless.

Once again, I feel like I matter.

My husband said it best when he said “I finally have my wife back.

I Was Replaced by 5 People

I try to forget about the whole ordeal as much as I can, but it’s almost impossible to do so, living in a smaller community.

Like last week, when out of nowhere I ran into a former coworker of mine from this job.

At first, it brought up a lot of negative emotions. Even though she was very supportive of everything that had happened and we had a good rapport, I wasn’t sure I even wanted to talk to her.

But I’m so glad that I did.

She told me that Mrs. Horrible Boss is still just as horrible as ever. In a department of less than 20 staff, she has fired 3 other people and drove another 3 to quit in less than a year.   

And then she told me something that made things even better (for me, at least).

My former position has now become 5. FIVE!

Yup – all the work that I was expected to do by myself is now being done by 5 full time staff!

I Finally Felt Vindicated

Mrs. Horrible Boss’s severe lack of management skills and completely unrealistic expectations of the position were the problem. Not me.

I failed at that job because I was set up to fail. There was absolutely nothing wrong with me or my abilities. All that self-doubt I felt for months was really about her.

There was nothing that I could have done to be successful at that job.

(Unless, of course, I made 4 clones of myself. But if I had the capacity to do that, I wouldn’t have wasted it on a crappy $20 per hour job!)

Finally, I have a real resolution to this whole ordeal beyond just trying to forget it happened in the first place. I can finally stop dwelling in the past, and stop beating myself up for not doing or saying something differently.

I feel like I can finally talk about it (or in this case, write about it) and really start to move on.

Don’t Let a Horrible Boss Destroy You Like I Almost Did

It is almost impossible not to start believing the belittling, demeaning abuse that a horrible boss puts on you, day after day. Not only does it affect your performance at work, but you take their words and behaviors home with you, too.

Before long, a horrible boss can take over every aspect of your life.

Their negativity can turn you into a negative person. Their bullying can turn you into a bully. And their lying and manipulating can turn you into a lying manipulator.

They can destroy your confidence, your future career path, your professional relationships, your personal relationships, your mental health, your physical health.

Working for a horrible boss can even be killing you, or drive you to consider suicide.  

If this is the case, please, I beg you to get help. Here are a few resources that include helpful information, personal stories and crisis lines that you can call, text, email or chat with:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
The Lifeline Canada Foundation
Dear Debt – Suicide Prevention

I almost let a horrible boss destroy me. Over something that had absolutely nothing to do with me or my abilities.

Please, don’t let this happen to you.

Photo by Daria Shevtsova from Pexels

About the Author

Amanda Kay, an Employment Specialist and founder of My Life, I Guess, strives to keep the "person" in personal finance by writing about money, mistakes, and more. She focuses on what it’s like being in debt, living paycheck to paycheck, and surviving unemployment while also offering advice and support for others in similar situations - including a FREE library of career & job search resources.

 

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14 thoughts on “Don’t Let a Horrible Boss Destroy You (Like I Almost Did)”

  1. I’m glad you posted this, as difficult as it might have been. I’m sorry you were having such a rough time, but I’m glad it worked out for the better. And damn what a resolution to find out it took that many people to do the job!

    1. Thanks so much for this! I am dealing with a similar situation and it’s all I can do to keep afloat. So glad to hear you are doing well!

  2. I’m so glad you’re finally in a better work environment and that you had the courage to post this! It was an incredibly brave thing for you to so. And you’re right – it had nothing to do with you (not that that makes any difference when it comes to the impact it has on you). Here’s to happy employment from now on!

    1. Omg!!! After being extremely lucky for 20 years I was hired by a horrible boss when my husband and I had to relocate. I was the 4th person in that position in 8 months. Danger….danger….danger. My mrs horrible boss started pointing out my mistakes day 2. After 20 years of being a devoted and qualified employee I had just become the biggest idiot mrs horrible boss had ever met. Don’t bother trying to fix this type of situation…..just run.

  3. Thank you for sharing your story. You sound like an amazing person. I am happy you enjoy your present job.Things happen for a reason and there is positive that comes out of every negative. I wish for you that this does become a full time position.You deserve it.
    It sure hit home for me.I am a victim of bullying in the work place with managers that look the other way and don’t have what it takes to Manage.It’s the dedicated, hard working employees that usually get the crap.If Managers /Leaders would lead by example and treat their employees with kindness, respect and acknowledgment, there would be less stress and sick days in the workplace. Your story and words of encouragement will help not only myself to move forward with my head held high but helps others also.Thank you for that!

  4. Oh Amanda what a nightmare situation – you’ve been through so much already work wise and this ordeal just sounds insane. You’re so tough and that job turning in five jobs is validation!

    A manager at one of my old workplaces is currently on leave being investigated- was a huge bully. I was a couple
    Levels down and only got her direct wrath a few times but man that was enough.

  5. Or horrible co-workers! I was in a situation where I was surrounded by 5 people who wanted my job for their bestie. She had lost her job about 2 weeks after I started and they made my life miserable for months. They would tell me things so that I would do things wrong and then have a go when a client got annoyed.

    When I finally cracked and went to the boss, it turns out they had been given access to my confidential files and had been pushing him to fire me. They were the big sales team making him bank and I was the techie so he wasn’t going to risk upsetting them. Their friend started the day after I left and not long after I got a much better job with a much higher pay and much better people!

  6. Crazy how much ONE bad egg can completely shift your mindset at a job. Goes to show that even the very best job can switch on you with the wrong person involved.

    Not a boss, but I had a situation with a coworker that was extremely bad. I didn’t realize how much it impacted me until she was gone, but it was bad.

  7. Thanks for sharing this. Going through something similar and it’s soul crushing. I keep focusing or trying to focus on the fact that she’s just using me as a scapegoat for all of her problems and her desperate need for power. Reading your post has given me more hope.

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