I finally had the courage to put myself out there (well, here), and admit to the world things that I’m reluctant to accept myself – things with me aren’t going so well.
Fortunately, I received a lot of support, encouraging words, and points to consider. Thank you everyone – Liquid Independence, CeCe @ Frugalista Married, Katie, eemusings, Debt and the Girl, Janine, SuburbanFinance, strangers over at Ask a Manager, Chad, April, Andrea, Alaina, Mike, mom, dad, and my fellow co-workers. Your kind words were an immense help. I’ve been “in my head” far too much over it and it was nice to get some outside perspective.
Ultimately though, the decision is mine and mine alone. And you’ll be happy to know that a decision has finally been made: I’m going to take a stress-leave from work.
It sucks to temporarily abandon my employer and my coworkers, but it’s clear my employers don’t have the same consideration for me or I wouldn’t be in this position to begin with. It helps that my position used to be seasonal, and my predecessors were laid off each summer, so I’m not dumping my work on anyone else – there is very little work to be done.
In the last week since posting, things have happened that made it clear the the pros outweigh the cons in this situation. Maybe stress-leave won’t solve all my problems, but it’s a treatment option that’s available to me, and I’ve got to try. Since deciding this, my mood has already notably improved – but my anxiety levels have not. Now I actually have to do something about it rather than sit and whine. I’ve grown far too comfortable making excuses and pointing the blame that taking action is scary, but no doubt necessary.
Next step: get that doctor’s note.