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Today marks my being off work for exactly one month (only two more to go!). While I still don’t feel quite like “me” again yet, I can say that I am getting closer. I still have days or moments full of anxiety or where I just can’t peel myself out of bed/off the couch, but those are becoming fewer, and less intense.
Earlier this week, my one co-worker emailed me to tell me that they are cutting back her hours to part-time. In the letter the bosses sent, they said something about restructuring the entire administrative department (which would include my position) – meaning there’s a very good chance that there’s a similar letter waiting for me upon my return. Although this sent my anxiety and rage skyrocketing, instead of sitting at home pouting over it to myself, I went out to where the boyfriend was rock climbing to spend some peaceful time out in nature (getting eaten alive by mosquitoes). Yay progress!
I’ve been doing really well with limiting my exposure to that place overall. While this includes spending little to no time with my co-worker friends (which sucks, because I like these people), I’ve learned that I need the space. One bitch-fest over lunch is enough to send me spiralling downward again, so I’ve started declining these invites. This, however, has also meant that I’ve been postponing reporting the bosses to the labour board again…
I’m still waiting for my EI benefits to kick in, which has caused some stress. It’s supposed to take 4 weeks, so I’ve been checking every day but so far there’s no news (and no money). I had a money buffer set aside knowing there’d be this gap, but my student loan payment screwed up and screwed me over. I was supposed to be on reduced payments ($200/month) already, but when I was put on medical leave I submitted a re-adjudication to further lower the payment to make sure I could pay my rent. Instead of freezing my account like they should have, they flat out cancelled my initial reduced payment and took out a FULL $600 payment this week. That really put a dent in my “money buffer”, and meant I had to take money out of my TFSA while I wait 2-4 weeks for them to refund their mistake. I know it could have been a lot worse, but I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to touch my savings at all. Ah well. The bills are paid, there’s food in my fridge, and a roof over my head.
Now that I’m seemingly (hopefully) on the upswing of things, it’s time to stop doing nothing and start doing the things I told myself I would do with this time off. Such as “do a thorough job search, get help with my resume/cover letter, come up with a plan, run every day, cook every day, clean my apartment, write more, read more, explore more, go outside more, volunteer, and be happy.”
Wish me luck!
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