Becoming Me Again

Today marks my being off work for exactly one month (only two more to go!).  While I still don’t feel quite like “me” again yet, I can say that I am getting closer.  I still have days or moments full of anxiety or where I just can’t peel myself out of bed/off the couch, but those are becoming fewer, and less intense.

Earlier this week, my one co-worker emailed me to tell me that they are cutting back her hours to part-time.  In the letter the bosses sent, they said something about restructuring the entire administrative department (which would include my position) – meaning there’s a very good chance that there’s a similar letter waiting for me upon my return.  Although this sent my anxiety and rage skyrocketing, instead of sitting at home pouting over it to myself, I went out to where the boyfriend was rock climbing to spend some peaceful time out in nature (getting eaten alive by mosquitoes).  Yay progress!

I’ve been doing really well with limiting my exposure to that place overall.  While this includes spending little to no time with my co-worker friends (which sucks, because I like these people), I’ve learned that I need the space.  One bitch-fest over lunch is enough to send me spiralling downward again, so I’ve started declining these invites. This, however, has also meant that I’ve been postponing reporting the bosses to the labour board again…

I’m still waiting for my EI benefits to kick in, which has caused some stress.  It’s supposed to take 4 weeks, so I’ve been checking every day but so far there’s no news (and no money).  I had a money buffer set aside knowing there’d be this gap, but my student loan payment screwed up and screwed me over.  I was supposed to be on reduced payments ($200/month) already, but when I was put on medical leave I submitted a re-adjudication to further lower the payment to make sure I could pay my rent.  Instead of freezing my account like they should have, they flat out cancelled my initial reduced payment and took out a FULL $600 payment this week.  That really put a dent in my “money buffer”, and meant I had to take money out of my TFSA while I wait 2-4 weeks for them to refund their mistake.  I know it could have been a lot worse, but I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to touch my savings at all.  Ah well.  The bills are paid, there’s food in my fridge, and a roof over my head.


Now that I’m seemingly (hopefully) on the upswing of things, it’s time to stop doing nothing and start doing the things I told myself I would do with this time off.  Such as “do a thorough job search, get help with my resume/cover letter, come up with a plan, run every day, cook every day, clean my apartment, write more, read more, explore more, go outside more, volunteer, and be happy.”

Wish me luck!

Amanda Kay

Amanda Kay, an Employment Specialist and founder of My Life, I Guess, strives to keep the "person" in personal finance by writing about money, mistakes, and making a living. She focuses on what it’s like being in debt, living paycheck to paycheck, and surviving unemployment while also offering advice and support for others in similar situations - including a FREE library of career & job search resources.

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8 thoughts on “Becoming Me Again”

  1. Good luck! It sounds like you’re recognizing what you need and are actively working toward those goals. Like you, I too feel majorly stressed and defeated from bitching about work. I work in a very small corporate office, and a few people have become my friends outside of work which means we’ll sometimes chat on the phone. These people are higher ranking than I, so they have more complaining to do than I do. Prior to my diagnosis, I didn’t mind getting a call at 7pm from one of them complaining about this or that, but now I can’t deal with it. My blood pressure rises. My head begins to throb. And I just don’t have the patience for it anymore. I try my hardest to not get stressed about things that are done to ME at the office, so I sure as heck don’t want to be stressed about things done to others. Meh, it’s just a different perspective now, I suppose. Good luck!

    • I honestly believe that saying that you’re like the 5 people you spend the most time with. When I’m working, 4 if not 5 of those people are all co-workers who are miserable, so it’s no wonder I was too! Now I spend most of my time alone, which is actually very peaceful.

  2. Bummer that they screwed up and it ended up costing you more money. We never want to use savings but really, that’s what it’s there for. And it’s a good thing you had it for emergencies like this. Best of luck with the job search!

  3. At my last job (where I worked for 5 years), most of us spent the majority of our days talking about how much we hated what we were doing… and I remember how after just one week at my new job I was finally able to see how toxic that was. It’s definitely a good idea to take as much time away from co-workers as you can… you don’t to stress yourself out by hearing about what you don’t want to go back to in a couple months.

    • I just don’t understand how the people that complain the most are the ones that refuse to look for other work or leave that place. It doesn’t make and sense to me.


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